Month: September 2020

I Sometimes Imagine Borders

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I sometimes imagine borders when I think of home. Not the physical lines that cross through the green blues of the Rio Grande, swelling against the cactus of the dry heat. No, not the obvious terrain without a bloom of roses or the branches of poincianas.

The liminal borders I pretend to imagine come to mind when my roots react, the realities of today eclipsing the limbo of my lenguajes. An imaginary border, tender thoughts slipping from my womb. I imagine my homeland out of grasp like the opal glittered with gold on Motecuhzoma’s chest.

I imagine swimming through oceans when I think of home with my relatives in our sister country, merely a river away.

Boundaries guilty of fear.

Boundaries separate of me.

Randomness

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What do you think about when your heart is broken? I mean, aside from the maldita razón you’re hurting. Are you like me where your thoughts jump from the deep despairs of heartbreak to an overwhelming warmth of endearment?

Like, one second I am heartbroken and will cry my eyes out and sob like a fool and think about other moments when my heart has been broken…and then think about the people who broke my heart and then randomly think about those who have always been there…and then think about the absolute happiest moments.

I don’t get myself sometimes. So when others don’t understand me, I can’t blame them. I know it’s not just a me thing.

What music do you listen to when you need a good cry? I, at the moment, have a playlist of Intocable on loop. Some of the songs are sappy, but it’s the feeling of community that makes me want to listen to it. What I mean is this music reminds me of happy moments with my family and of being whole. Of weddings and birthdays and going out to bailes with my primos. Reminiscing about the good ol’ days is what is making me cry at this instance.

Throw in there the heart break of the moment. Fueled by the bittersweet memories this playlist brings. Like I said, I don’t get myself sometimes!

Cafecito Moments

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COVID has taken so much of my imagination away. It just disappeared somewhere down the lane of days and weeks and months. And without imagination, olvídate about creativity!

Being isolated from my extended family has taught me a few things. I hadn’t really thought much about it before these times, but my family and their cuentos inspire me so much. Their cuentos connect me to the community of love and hope and memories and chismes. That connection brings me laughter and alleviates the everyday stress by reminding me my burdens are not for me to carry alone.

I ran across the video clip below from my phone memories and immediately felt happy. Those cafecito moments with the different generations of family appreciating a simple moment.

What are some of the pre-COVID moments you are missing?